Did you ever get something stuck in your ear? It's never pretty. It happened to me and immediately I recalled the words of Rusty Nails (the clown): Never stick anything in your ear bigger than your elbow.

But this isn't about clowns, or the useless use of healthcare, or about my ability to remember only the quotations of clowns. No, it's about blaming my sister.

She had invited me to her church for a special service. I was excited to go, but knowing how loud the music was, I made one big preparation: Earplugs. Fortunately I had a drawer full. All sizes and shapes.

Some time earlier I had worked next to a person who had smoked for years. She spent most of the day coughing up a lung, or whatever mucus/fungus/grungeous was coagulating in her throat. (nice lady though)

I can skillfully ignore many sounds, but this was killing me. I bought progressively stronger earplugs. I search the city, from drug stores to hardware stores. Starting with the little foam ones that come in bright orange or green up to the one that basically put my head in a vise (it looked like a pair of headphones).

For the church service I didn't choose the "Vise". That would have been too conspicuous and would have sent the wrong message. I chose a nice pair I had picked up at a hardware store. These are difficult to describe, but I'll try. They felt like they were made of rubber...they could have been fake rubber. Each was about an inch long. It was like a stick poking through three disks. The first being the largest, then the other two progressively smaller. A clever and effective design.

They worked pretty well. Not good enough for the work situation, but I kept them in the plug drawer just in case. Good thing.

The day came and I was prepared. Prepared for excessive noise without sending the wrong message. To be extra polite, I installed my earplugs before entering the church. I was still in my car in fact. I didn't want to take any chances.

All went well. I enjoyed the service, and nobody ever noticed I was wearing earplugs. But...oh no. As soon as I removed the earplugs I could not hear out of my right ear. It was really plugged up. And not one to stick things in my ear (smaller than my elbow) I left it alone. But soon I couldn't resist. This was different. I made a few good tries at extracting what was blocking up my ear but finally came to my senses and went to the doctor. They had a good laugh and plugged in the waterpik.

The ball of wax was huge and ugly. I was warned not to stick anything in my ear and sent on my way. Without insurance this would have cost $127 (about eight years ago)

My advice to my sister: God is not deaf. I'm sure he only cares whether you are in tune.

ps: my advice fell on deaf ears. She still goes to load churches with enormous amplifiers and I go to quiet churches with no amplifiers.